I have stories I was convinced I‘d never tell. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was afraid of what would happen when and if I did. Carrying shame so deep that I thought to myself “if they knew all of me, they’d run” but on the outside you’d never be able to tell. I grew up in a Christian home with a praying mother and grandmothers that taught me that the only answer was Jesus and a life surrendered was the only way to Him. Yet my parents’ divorce when I was still an infant left a hole that I didn’t even have language for. I wrestled to understand who I was as an Afro-Latina girl, and I longed to belong somewhere, anywhere.

I loved Jesus and was gifted with such beautiful encounters with Him as a child and I believe it’s in those moments that I was reminded that if I didn’t fit anywhere else, I definitely had a place with Him. And yet I had questions about what He had allowed to happen in my world. The questions stemmed from traumatic experiences that I deemed “normal” and learned to hide at a young age.

It wasn’t until I found myself attempting to heal from heartbreak at 19 that I realized the roots of rejection, self-hatred, and skepticism were all exactly that: roots. Roots that had grown for so long that remained under the surface of a heart that seemed tender but was secretly hardened.

And now I was drowning in them.

I realized that if I was going to be in a real and authentic relationship with Jesus, I needed to get to the root of what I believed about Him and how that translated into every area of my life. Pain that I thought would kill me actually saved me, and I began to be honest with God about my hurts, my fears, and my patterns.

Since then, the healing process has been continuous, but nothing has been wasted. God has continuously reminded me that my portion is a healed, whole, and abundant heart & life because Jesus went to the cross so that I would live and walk in complete freedom. Through constant moments of pouring my heart out to Jesus, talking about the hard stuff in counseling, spending time meditating on His Word, and allowing God to love on me through His people, I have begun to walk in freedom.

Now I know that freedom is not a place or thing we achieve when we’ve unlocked the secret recipe to a good life. Freedom is a journey we’re invited to walk out with Jesus until we get to stand face to face with Him, the lover of our souls. I long for that day. I long to be that close in the presence of the One whose very heart sets mine on fire. Until then, I walk. And other days I crawl. But on any given day, I am extending my arms up, asking to be carried by my Dad. And every time, He picks me up and holds me close.

I am FREED from rejection, abandonment, trauma, and shame. I am now FREED to tell my story with strength & grace and to encourage others to live a life fully surrendered to the one true God who heals.